WHAT NOT TO PUT ON YOUR RESUME!

Okay so I stumbled upon these resume bloopers oline, Oh my they are funny!

“Consistently tanked as top sales producer for new accounts.”

“Career break in 1999 to renovate my horse”

Hobbies: “enjoy cooking Chinese and Italians”

I’m working today in a furniture factory as a drawer”

“Seeking a party-time position with potential for advancement.”

“Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.”

Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.”

Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.”

It’s best for employers that I not work with people.”

“Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far.”

“I am loyal to my employer at all costs..Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail.”

Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store.”

Skills: “I can type without looking at thekeyboard.”

Experience: “Demonstrated ability in multi-tasting.”

Experience: “I’m a hard worker, etc.”

Languages: “Speak English and Spinach.”

Skills: “I have integrity so I will not steal office supplies and take them home.”

Objective: “So one of the main things for me is, as the movie ‘Jerry McGuire’ puts it, ‘Show me the money!’”

Skills: “I have technical skills that will take your breath away.”

Skills: “Written communication = 3 years; verbal communication = 5 years.”

Objective: “I would like to work for a company that is very lax when it comes to tardiness.”

Education: “I possess a moderate educatin but willing to learn more.”

Salary requirements: “The higher the better.”

References: “Bill, Tom, Eric. But I don’t know their phone numbers.”

Work experience: “Two years as a blackjack and baccarat dealer. Strong emphasis on customer relations – a constant challenge considering how much money people lose and how angry they can get.”

Hobbies: “Mushroom hunting.”

Experience: “Child care provider: Organized activities; prepared lunches and snakes.”

Work experience: “Responsibilities included checking customers out.”

Educational background: “Highschool was a incredible experience.”

Cover letter: “Experienced in all faucets of accounting.”

Reason for leaving: “Terminated after saying, ‘It would be a blessing to be fired.’”

Personal: “My family is willing to relocate. However not to New England (too cold) and not to Southern California (earthquakes). Indianapolis or Chicago would be fine. My youngest prefers Orlando’s proximity to Disney World.”

“Worked in a consulting office where I carried out my own accountant.”

In the section that read “Emergency Contact Number” she wrote “911.”