Story time!

Above are pictures of Ezra and I in Hong Kong!

PREGNANCY UPDATE: I can feel the babies move!! They're still a little small for me to tell which baby is which but there is definitely some movement going on in there. It's so Fun! I mostly feel them when I'm lying down or relaxing. The movement started out as little pokes and prods and now I feel them more and more everyday. Ezra's even been able to feel them move a few times.

I haven't gotten to go to the doctor as much as hoped I would. My doctor here in China has more of a "if it ain't broke don't fix it" policy so she wont see me for another couple weeks. It's been reassuring to me to feel some movement, "we're in here mom, we're okay."

I'm just DYING to know what these babies are!

 A couple days before our departure we met a man that had done a good deal of traveling in China. His comment was: "You're moving to China, your lives are going to be crazy."

Man was he was right.

Crazy experiences happen everyday without fail. Some of them I would just as soon forget…like the giant rat that lives near our apartment, and others I wish I could share with the world….like the adorable giggly little girl we met at Sophie's.

So many funny things happen to us, I wish I could share all of them. We have had experiences that have been simply priceless as far as humor is concerned.

As most of you know Ezra is a wonderful storyteller (he always spices up the details).  I wish that he could be the one to tell these stories, but alas, he is very busy and well I'm kind of not, so you'll just have to put up with my version until you get a chance to see us in person.

Story 1:

CONFESSION: Ezra and I are regulars at Pizza Hut. (It's just another way I'm becoming more like my mother) ha

 It's not your typical pizza hut, and almost nobody actually orders pizza. In China all the meat is full of bones of every shape and size.  We were quite thrilled when we found meat on the pizza hut menu that came without all the bones and now we eat there all the time. That is, when we're not in Dahua.

This particular visit we were waiting for our meal and I had to make a trip to the bathroom. I usually do my best to avoid Chinese restrooms, number one reason being—they are filthy, number two reason being that they have Chinese toilets---aka the squatty potty.  It is nearly impossible to find western toilets anywhere in Nanning.

A squatty potty is basically a porcelain hole in the ground with a little bit of water in it and two designated areas to place the feet. To successfully use this toilet the "squatter" must have the appropriate amount of leg strength and balance. 

These are skills that I significantly lack- and I'm going to blame that on pregnancy. My squatty potty attempts have been relatively unsuccessful and far more stressful than a trip to the bathroom should be-especially for one pregnant with twins.

It was to my happy surprise that I found a western style toilet in the Pizza hut restroom. As I entered the stall I did my typical toilet analysis. As I checked the toilet seat for possible hazards I found a unique sample. Muddy shoe prints??.....Very peculiar. It took me a few moments to connect the clues but I soon realized that a very brave Chinese woman had had her first encounter with a western toilet.

Some tiny Chinese lady had mounted the toilet in a way that most of us westerners can hardly imagine let a lone even think to attempt with out the proper safety gear.

She had, in fact…….stood on the toilet seat.

As I pictured this scene in my mind, my laughter made my prompt use of the toilet ever more essential.

I quickly rushed back to my table to share my findings with Ezra. We spent the remainder of dinner coming up with the thoughts this Chinese women must have had, whilst a top the toilet seat.

Here are a few:

"The view from here is quite stunning" –yeah, Imagine if Ezra and I stood on the toilet seat nobody in the restroom would have any privacy!

"These westerners are nuts, bad engineering"

"I'm likely to fall in, why did they make the edges so round, they definitely need better foot holds on these things"

"My feet are slipping, my feet are slipping"

"I could really use something to hold onto"

Hopefully she didn't have to go any number higher than one-because the splash might have been record breaking. Okay that's gross but that's the effect living in China is having on me. Maybe next time she'll be smart enough to bring a harness.

Story 2: Culture Shock!

The other day Ezra and I had just finished dinner with the "American gang." The "gang" consists of all the American employees that are working here Dahau at the moment, plus a few translators that help us actually order our food.

We had just finished a lovely meal of goat, sweet potatoes, soggy lettuce, and dumplings. Ezra and I were headed down a darkened street to pick up Ezra's laundry.

We were making our way a long the edge of the street when a women on a scooter came zipping around the corner. Ezra had to quickly jump out of the way to avoid getting run over by this deranged scooterist.

As we continued to watch this woman it was clear to see that she was drunk. We watched her swerve all over the street. After a few moments she attempted to park and dismount. She was unsuccessful and ended up in a squatted position next to her scooter with its weight pressing toward her.

Just past this pathetic scene was the laundry mat. Ezra and I entered, there were two tables of women playing some sort of Chinese block game. It must have been a pretty intense game because the women didn't take a second to even glance at us.

We gave the receipt to the lady at the counter and she went into the back to find Ezra's clothes. Ezra and I were busy making faces at a few of the children hanging around the counter when the drunken scooterist entered the laundry mat. Ezra soon recognized her as the laundry mat owner.

She wobbled her way into the back room and came out with Ezra's bag. We were about to leave when she started winking at Ezra. She spat out what must have been some sort of joke, started laughing, and continued to try and communicate with Ezra. We can hardly understand any Mandarin when sober Chinese speak it, so we just stood there and kind of smiled.  

This lady just kept talking and laughing in her drunken way.

Then, out of nowhere she came around the counter, grabbed my arm, raised her arm high in the air and smacked me right on the bum. Hard.

I was SHOCKED!

The lady just laughed and wobbled into the back room once again. I was in a state of utter confusion and had no idea what to do. I thought, "Did that really just happen." Then all there was left to do was laugh.

Ezra got a pretty good kick out of that one. I think the lady meant to smack his bottom, but in her drunken stupor she smacked mine instead.  

I told Ezra that it would be the last time I accompanied him to the laundry mat. He suggested that I come with him the next time and return her the favor. And you know…maybe I will.

Story 3: Standing in line- Chinese Style.

Formation of an orderly line where each person retains their spot while at the same time retaining their personal space is a concept we Westerns fully embrace.  We enforce the rules of the line in family settings, at work, school, shopping, etc. We all know what the rules are and do not usually respond patiently when the "rules" are broken.

In China there is no such thing as a line. The Chinese do not line….they herd. If you do not move swiftly you quickly find your self at the tail end of the herd. If you leave an opening if front of you whether it be an inch or half a centimeter you will find yourself further and further away from your intended destination.

I had my first real experience with the "herd" in Hong Kong. At first I stayed calm- I stayed close to Ezra and tried not to breath out of my nose. Soon the lady with the red coat, who we were right behind, was five rows in front of us.

After about 15 minutes I started to loose it. I was really wishing I had the defensive instincts of a puffer fish.

"Why does this lady keep touching me?!"

"BACK OFFFFFFFFFFF! BACK OFF! BACK OFF!"

"DON'T TOUCH ME!"

 I was about ready to lash out irrationally. I shoved my purse behind my shoulder,

"Yeah, ya see that six inches my purse is sticking into your face, don't come closer than that!!"

All sorts of embarrassingly mean thoughts were coming to my head.

Ezra wasn't doing much better and we started coming up with plans to take care of things. We put our feet and arms together to create a wall. But nothing seemed to work. I hate to say it but by the time we made it to the front of the herd I was pushing people out of my way- I think I about knocked a few over.

After that experience Ezra and I vented our thoughts to each other. At dinner that night we came up with a series of inventions to take care of the problem. Everything from metal hula-hoops, to shockers, to lazer beams, unfortunately all of our inventions were highly impractical.  So I guess we are going to have to learn some patience instead.